ALUS.K

That's all you need to know.

A year ago, I posted this. So jokes on me, cause a year later I am back here. 😅😂
 

I'm mostly just upset that I keep going back to square one lah seriously. I'm tired of having to deal with my emotional side. I gave myself a timeline, making sure I didn't drag it too long. I'm sorry ya'll keep having to see me sad all the time the past years. 

So congratulations to the last guy I told I liked,  cause no one is hearing that from me again. Hahahaha. 

Here's to being better okay? 🙃🙃🙃🙃

 

For years I have been struggling with myself mentally. I have never considered myself as being depressed. or maybe I was just in denial. Mentally I was exhausted from hating myself, from thinking I am not worthy of anyone's love, from thinking I will never be loved.

I was and still am aware that self love is the start of everything. How do you expect to be loved when you can't love yourself? I never wanted to make "beauty" the only attraction. I don't want people to like me or wanna get to know me because I layered my face with thick products. I wan't people to love me for who I am hence, the naked face then.

Today, I realised that believing that I'm beautiful, being happy with the efforts I put on my face, the new bag, the clothes, the new shoes is the start of being a better person myself.

How? It is all from the same person who once ridiculed me for the way I dress, embarrassed me, belittling me, by having his SIL giving me a "make-over" to be the person he wanted me to be. Without asking or trying to understand me why I was the way I was.

I listened to the advices. I dressed differently but I still wasn't myself. Until recently when I started wearing my dresses and Jubah(s) again. I forgot how much I loved myself more in them. That's when I knew what self-love truly is.

I always believed the right man will make you a better woman. Sometimes you just needed a wrong man to knock you in the head with the hard truth. They make you realise what you lacked of, what you're missing and most importantly they made you realise your worth.

It may have taken me years to realise, but it sure as hell was worth the ride.

He thought I needed a make over, truth is I only needed a reminder.
It's true, there are no ugly girls just lazy girls.

So to YOU, the one I've been trying to move on from, the one who used too look down on me for not being the woman you expected me to be, I can't thank you enough for making me see my true worth. So from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

Thank you for your compliments today. I am not flattered by your words, no will I fall for it.
See, you weren't there for me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Oh, did I mention? I finally booked myself a tix for a movie. ALONE. That's a start to self love.

Till then.